Research for court

Spring of 2008 is when my husband decided to go balls to the wall and fight for custody of Bob. He would have done it several years ago, but unfortunately a court will not take away a child from their mother based on stupidity alone. There has to be concrete proof of abuse and/or neglect for the court to even consider removing a child from their home, and even then there is no guarantee. There is however, a magic number that gave us a little more hope and ammunition to start with the court proceedings. That number is 14. The lovely number 14 is the age in which a judge will take into account the testimony and desire of the child. (Of course we would never let on that although Bob was now physically 14, we'd be lucky to pass him off mentally as a 10 year old.)

Despite the desperate attempts of the egg donor to convince Bob that his father is a monster and that we would make him into our own personal slave if he lived with us, Bob still wanted to make the move. She tried to convince him that he would never have any fun and that he would be our live-in babysitter. It was so hard to hold my tongue and not tell her that I would NEVER, I mean NEVER allow Bob to babysit my children. I'm pretty sure my six year old would be more competent and able to babysit.

We started off nice by trying to talk to the egg donor (which lets face it is the equivalent of talking to a rock). We let her know of Bob's desires to live with his father and tried to convince her that this would save a lot of time and money for everyone if we could work out an arrangement. My husband was even willing to give it a try for one year and told the egg donor that she would not have to pay child support for that year. (Yeah, I wasn't real thrilled about that idea at all! Another kid to take care of and no money? Nice. But being the supportive wife I am, I let it go...I knew it was in Bob's best interest to live with us.) Of course the egg donor wouldn't comply or even entertain the idea of Bob living with us. We were in for a long battle....a long EXPENSIVE battle. *sigh*

Once we knew where the egg donor stood, we began digging. Digging for anything and everything that would help prove our case in court. It was heartbreaking to see file after file of counseling and medical records come in. The notes from doctors and nurses were sickening at best. The school records and counselors were of so much help as well. At first the school counselor didn't like the idea of a step-mom calling and discussing Bob, but soon warmed up to me and eventually liked me more than the egg donor...ha ha ha, like that was even a competition. :) Oh the egg donor was mad about that! She marched herself right into that school and let them have it. How dare they share information with Bob's father and step-mom?? What an inbred piece of garbage she looked like that day! That just sealed the deal with the school liking my husband and me....and it played into our favor nicely.

After gathering as much information as possible, we tried calling attorney after attorney, each time getting the same response...'well, it's hard to take a child away from a biological mother, unless there's proof of abuse'. Are you kidding? Even when the child himself expresses the desire and necessity of getting away from the egg donor? We felt hopelessness and sadness for Bob. Again we tried reasoning with the egg donor to please let Bob come live with us for one year. After that year we would re-evaluate and see how he felt and what was best for him. Of course her answer was no.

Well, we ended up finding an attorney that was willing to take the case and seemed very hopeful and optimistic that there was a 95% chance we would have Bob living with us. This is what we had been waiting to hear. I was so excited...UNTIL he told us the retainer fee amount. It was triple what all the other attorneys charged. All I could think is, 'oh we better win this....or else Bob will be working during every visitation to pay off the debt!' ha ha ha. Just kidding...kind of. :)

So, with the help and support of some wonderful family members, we retained the attorney. We were in for a crazy, emotional ride...

A little background on the egg donor

The egg donor is a very unique person. Not necessarily unique in a good way. When I first met her, I remember thinking 'wow, this might not be so bad, she seems harmless'. Little did I know that would change once I actually married my husband. You see, I was not a threat to her because her ex and I were just dating. I remember being creeped out as she insisted on taking pictures of me with her son. It was bizarre and uncomfortable, but I figured it could be worse. At least she seemed to like me.....or so I thought. I realize now that these pictures were probably taken to show her family and friends the "other woman".

I assure you though that I was not the "other woman". In fact, I believe I was probably learning to drive about the time she and my husband were getting divorced (wow, that's kind of a sick thought). So in my head there was no reason to hate me. I wasn't the cause of their split and had no intention of trying to replace her as a mother to Bob. She still hated me. Why? I have no idea, but I'm not losing any sleep over it.

The egg donor, in my opinion, is still not over my husband. Hello? It's been approximately 14 years since the divorce. Time to move on sweetheart. I mean, my husband is a great guy and I love him dearly, but is he worth shedding tears over for that long? I think not. No man is worth that kind of time or emotion. I find it pathetic yet entertaining to hear her get so worked up and emotional about the divorce. She constantly uses it as an excuse for her being retarded and for the way Bob has turned out. Of course it couldn't be her fault! After all, Bob has lived primarily with her for most of his childhood. She has been a major influence on him and he's had to hear her rip apart his father too many times to count. I know in her mind she has been "victorious" for years. Keeping Bob from his father and feeling she had the upper hand. Well it has certainly come back to bite her in the behind. Did she not think that Bob would one day be old enough to pass judgement and make decisions for himself? That all the lies and hurtful stories she's told him over the years would come unraveled once he was mature enough to fill in the blanks and see her true colors? Well that is exactly what has happened.

We really do hope that she will one day pull her head out of her rear and snap back into reality. What a waste of 14 years! What a toll it has taken on a relationship between a mother and son. How sad that she is willing to sacrifice the feelings and emotions of her son for her own gratification. Thus being labeled the egg donor.

No one ever told me...

From the time I was a little girl, I always knew I wanted to be a mother. To me that was the most important thing in life. When I met my husband, he obviously told me about about his son. When I met his son for the first time, I was actually quite fond of Bob. He was a cute, quirky little boy who conveniently lived with his mother. I enjoyed getting to know Bob during my husband's visitations. I was optimistic that my love of children would help me love this boy unconditionally if his dad and I ended up getting married. We did indeed end up getting married and this once cute and quirky little boy has grown into an obnoxious, smelly teenager....who now lives with us.

No one ever told me...

*that I would one day be struggling to love my step-son as much as I love my biological children

*that I would feel the need to explain to acquaintances that this is "not my DNA"

*that I would have to wear latex gloves while doing laundry, simply to avoid an accidental grabbing of skid-marked underwear (I'm talking BAD skid-marks)

*that occasionally I would have to ask my husband "what were you thinking?!?" (referring to having a relationship with the egg donor)

*that every day I would have to pray for extra patience, sanity and the ability to laugh

*that I would eventually create an anonymous blog to vent, laugh and try to keep it together

Here we go....

I'd like to start by saying I love my step-son. Do I always like him? Well, since this blog is being created in anonymity as a place to vent, laugh and be completely honest, my answer would have to be no. Please know that none of the stories, comments or frustrations are meant to be taken literally. This is going to be a very therapeutic escape for me from the daily tasks of motherhood. I love to laugh. There are times that laughing is the only way I make it through the day. So here we go....and hopefully there will be lots of laughter.