Love is in the air.....gag me!

Been awhile since I've written.  Not for lack of material, but lack of time.  I just couldn't wait one more day to post the newest adventure in Bob's life.  Bob has found love.....or lust.....or maybe it's just the fact that the girl hasn't run screaming in the other direction.  Now I have to give props to any girl who can stand to be in his presence for more than 5 minutes.  This in itself is a miracle. For this post we'll call her Lilly. They talk on the phone and facebook quite a bit, and what kind of step-mom would I be if I didn't snoop around a little?  I guess I want to make sure Bob is behaving himself and not overwhelming the poor girl.

Much to my surprise the flirting went both ways!  It was the puppy-love, disgusting, should-be-coming-out-of-the-mouths-of-12-year-olds kind of flirting.  Let's not forget that Bob is 18.  Which brings up the question of why he's still living here?  That will have to be another post though.  I should mention that Lilly is 19.  Yes, an older woman.  Way to go Bob.  Once Bob started telling us a little bit about her my first thought was, 'oh the poor girl must be handicap in some way'.  That's the only logical explanation for her interest in my socially awkward, lanky step-son.  It was time to meet this girl.  Bob invited her over to watch a movie and then to go to a barn dance.  Giddy Up.

As the date approached for their movie and dance night, we learned that Lilly does not drive.  She is a faithful user of public transportation.  Good for her.  Problem is, the bus doesn't run as late as she would be staying.  Which meant one thing....I was going to be the taxi for the night.  Lucky me.  The plan was that she was going to ride the bus to our house and the rest of the evening I'd drive them around.

I have to admit, I couldn't wait.  I had an image in my mind and when she arrived I was impressed at how accurate my mind was.  The one thing I was not expecting though was how SHORT she is!!  Bob is a pretty tall guy....so to see that my 9 year old was as tall, if not taller than Lilly made me laugh.  After spending a few minutes with her I came to few conclusions:

1.  Lilly is a very nice girl.
2.  Lilly is awkward.
3.  This could be a match made in heaven.

She was like Bob in almost every single way.  It's quite frightening.  Bob doesn't drive, neither does Lilly.  Bob lives with his parents, Lilly lives with her mom.  Bob has a dog, Lilly has a .....PIG.  Whoa.  I had pictured a small pot belly pig, or a teacup piggy....but it's actually a 150 lb pig.  Sick!  And the worst part is that the pig sleeps with Lilly's mom!!  Double sick!!  I can't even imagine.  I mean, I sleep with a pig too....but not a literal pig. It was at this point that I was actually a little bit excited to be taking her home later that night....I needed to see the home that houses a pig as a pet.

So after they watched a movie, I drove them to the dance.  After about 2 hours Bob called me and said they were done and needed a ride home.  I picked them up and he asked if I could take them to Walmart to get some goodies.  Sure.  He also wanted to stop at Pizza Hut and pick up a pizza for them while they watched another movie at our house.  Once we got to Walmart I dropped them off at the door and then pulled into a parking space to wait.  Thank goodness for smart phones because their quick trip in was about 20 minutes.  Ugh.  They came skipping out the door, hand-in-hand.  It took all I had not to laugh....or puke.  They were both so giddy and I just sat there wishing that I would have made my hubby be the taxi.  One more stop at Pizza Hut and we were on our way home.  Back to the basement they went to watch another movie.

The hubby and I stayed upstairs for a few minutes to chat about this new love interest.  We sat at the kitchen table laughing hysterically over the similarities and just shaking our heads.  We made a pact that should Bob and Lilly ever get serious, they will not live with us....EVER.  The hubby then said "I think we should start praying right now that at least one of them is sterile....they DO NOT need to reproduce!"  I about peed myself.  It was as though the hubby wanted to make sure I either choked or peed because then he said "can you imagine a bunch of little oompa-loompas with afros running around??"  Oh.my.word!  I was done at that point.  HILARIOUS!

After a movie filled with hand holding and cuddling, it was time to take Lilly home.  The night was eventful, entertaining and sickening.  I learned that I am too old to be staying up that late....especially if it's not for my own enjoyment.  I don't know what the future holds.  They say that there is someone for everyone....and Bob may have found his someone.

Been a long time since I've laughed this hard...

This post is about my daughter....and while I would love to put this on my family blog....I figured I better leave it annonymous. Plus, some of my friends may not find it as funny as I did. ha ha

I was sitting in the living room when my sassy 7 year old walked in with a very worried look on her face. She said, "Mom, I think I have a problem." I asked her what was wrong. She replied, "well, you know when you fart and it comes out your butt?" I said yes....now very intrigued and a little bit worried about where she was going with this. She leaned in real close to me and said in a very quiet voice, "I'm not sure why, but my private part just beefed one." I errupted into laughter and couldn't regain control. She just looked at me like I was so insensitive! I was crying I was laughing so hard. I think it was all in the presentation and how she said it. Oh man...gotta love the honesty of little kids!

Phone Tag

I was talking to my dad on the phone yesterday and he made a comment about how he had been playing phone tag with someone. Bob could only hear my side of the conversation and heard me say "oh don't you just love playing phone tag with people?" Shortly after that I got off the phone and resumed what I was doing. Bob looked at me and said "wow, I didn't realize your dad likes to play those kinds of games." (insert confused look from me) I asked him what he meant. He said "you guys were talking about playing phone tag, that sounds fun, how do you play?" I didn't know if he was serious or not. Well he was serious. He had no idea what phone tag was. I explained it to him only to get the '20 ft stare in a 10 ft room' look. I asked him if he understood what I was saying and he said "not really". I just left it at that and walked away.....giggling.

What's a car ride?

A couple of days ago the hubby was making a quick trip to the store to pick up some milk. Not wanting to drag the whole family along, he quietly got dressed and ready to go. Our youngest son who is 4 spotted him and asked if he could go. The hubby agreed. He did not want to take all the kids (who can blame him). As they were getting ready to leave Bob asked the hubby where he was going. The hubby replied "we are just going for a car ride" (not wanting to say store because then all the kids would be asking to go). Bob had a confused, blank expression on his face and after about 30 seconds said "Dad, what's a car ride?" Whoa. The hubby and I looked at each other wondering if that had just happened?!? The hubby spoke real slow and explained what a car ride was. Bob got frustrated and said "that's not what I meant...I thought maybe it was something special." Ha ha ha. I guess the next time I get in a car I'll have to savor the experience. I just don't understand sometimes...

Sweet Freedom!

Bob will be on a train in approximately 30 minutes to go see the egg donor for a week. Hallelujah! I am going to enjoy this week....a break is LONG overdue. Merry Christmas everyone!

Mishaps with a plunger

Last night I about packed my bags and moved out....for good.

It started when our 4 year old came running up the stairs to report the downstairs bathroom toilet was plugged up. The only one who uses the toilet in the downstairs bathroom is Bob. No one else is brave enough to go in there...it truly is HIS bathroom. I told Bob to grab the plunger and go take care of it. He hollers from the bathroom "Hey, I don't think I did this...the water is really brown". Newsflash Bob...that is what happens when turds sit in water for who knows how long. We tell him to just plunge it and get it over with.

Next we hear Bob say "Hey, do you guys want me to rinse off the plunger?" The hubby happened to look down the stairs and see Bob standing in the hallway, plunger in hand with it dripping all over the carpet. The look on the hubby's face made me get up and go take a look. I quickly told Bob to get his butt back into the bathroom and sarcastically said I didn't really want poo-water on the carpet!! I couldn't believe it! I swear, just when you think there could be no more stupidity....SURPRISE!

I told Bob that yes, he needed to rinse off the plunger. I walked away. Trying with all I had to keep my cool. To a normal person rinsing the plunger would mean flushing the toilet and rinsing it in the clean water. To Bob that meant putting the plunger in the sink. I heard the water running and went back downstairs...praying I wouldn't find what I suspected I would. Sure enough...there was Bob holding the plunger in one hand under the sink faucet and WIPING THE PLUNGER OFF WITH HIS OTHER HAND!! There are no words for this. As I write this I feel myself getting angry again.

Note to self: Do not shake Bob's hand....ever.

By the light of the saber...

Bob has a pretty strict bed time because he has such a hard time getting up in the morning. If he wants to read before bed, he needs to do it before 'lights out' time. One night as the hubby was going up the stairs (at about 11:00pm...well past Bob's bed time) he noticed a faint glow coming from Bob's room. The hubby opened the door to find Bob laying on his bed holding his light saber and reading his book. Wow. Desperate times call for desperate measures apparently. Bob just gave him that deer in the headlights look and didn't say a word. He shut off his light saber and closed his book. The door got closed and everyone went to bed. One of these days Bob will realize that putting a blanket, shirt or pillow in front of his door would eliminate the chance of us seeing any light coming through under the door. I'm not going to be the one to share this secret. It's pretty funny how un-sneaky Bob is.